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Ah there’s nothing quite like the dark, dark days of winter. I woke up this morning to an apartment that was 40 fucking degrees. That’s bullshit.

Compounding this bull hooey is the further horse spit that there’s no excuse for putting up with this hogwash. After all, it’s not as though we live in some European city state filled with second and third cousins all living off the fumes of 19th century glory. We can do something about it. Us: the refined gentlemen of the Middle West and our husky fertile women could easily take over the greener climes of this country.

What can the Southerners do? Intoxicate us with refined spirits and try to bribe us with countless southern belles? I saw: do your worst!

And the southwest? I’ll put our weakest man up against any one of your snowbunnies

And the northwest? Ha! Don’t make me laugh. We’ll push your hippies into the mud before you can color in the first letter of protest sign.

Here’s the plan....

We’ll send in the Iowans first because no one cares what happens to anyone living in that godforsaken hell hole.

Then the North Dakotans can go take care of the post-war unpleasantness as they are good at cleaning even though this means their pretty much douches most of the time to their neighbors.

And then the rest of us will move in and not tell the Minnesotans, South Dakotans, or suriving Iowans while making the North Dakotans into some kind of servant class. It’ll be great.