New Year Predilections

10 New Years predictions.
1.) I’ll have a gloriously short lived celebrity through some sucker punch like a plane hijacking or selling my skin on e-bay.
2.) I’ll get new, cool friends.
3.) I’ll divorce Heather and return to the unrestrained awesome bachelor bliss.
4.) I’ll become embarrassingly wealthy because of something: a book, cream, what have you.
5.) I’ll acquire an English accent.
6.) I’ll start drinking black label scotch.
7.) My awesomeness will increase.
8.) Heather will remarry my former business partner, Stephen Blackburry. I will attend the wedding with some kind of supermodel, preferably an attractive female. I will lie about our level of intimacy.
9.) I will become an equestrian, trencherman and courtier to establish relations with landed gentry.
10.) I will gain 5 to 10 pounds of fat and claim it as muscle.