Fast track success

It wasn’t a glorious weekend. Nor was it entirely terrible. In a now two yearlong tradition I spent the day before New Year’s Eve with An Doof Ass and Tad Lindsay. Like last year this one ended with headaches, memory reconstruction and a completely terrible New Year’s Celebration. Here’s what I learned from the experience as a whole:

Number one, if you drink a bottle of champagne to celebrate the impending arrival of friends, you will fall asleep on the couch and you will already have a hangover when they arrive.

Number two, if you’ve got some left over cooking sherry from holiday you can put it in a decanter and tell An Doof Ass it’s a fine liqueur and he will drink a handle of the stuff under the impression his palette distinguishes a fine cognac or brandy, possibly even Courvoisier.

Number three, while everyone knows Cuerrenevca is a crappy restaurant. You really don’t want to be there when a drunk An Doof Ass begins espousing his opinions on “ethnics.”

Number four, you can bring the An Doof Ass to his old neighborhood watering hole, but you can’t keep the An Doof Ass from leaving the watering hole to go get into fistfights on Cermak.

Number five, upon arriving back at the apartment, An Doof Ass didn’t get tossed from the second story of the box factory construction site into a very large mud hole; he fell from the second story into that very large mud hole.

All in all, An Doof Ass lived up to his glorious reputation and even cleaned the bathroom after taking a shower to clean off the accumulated sludge. In typical fashion, he awoke the next morning aghast at the appearance of his mud caked clothes and demanded to know who was responsible for such an act of tomfoolery. He also asked why he had a black eye, various knots on his head and a dislocted hip.

I can't say I miss him. But I do miss seeing him constantly ruining and debasing himself for no other reason than his inability to stop after 3 glasses of cooking sherry.