An Doof Ass goes to College...!

As most of you know, An Doof Ass now resides in New York City and attends graduate school. Since Mr. Ass is a “grad student” he now passes out in the allies behind bars with English Pub sounding names. Hence he is now frequents The Jolly Tinker -From what I hear, The J.T. offers drink specials on their Imperial pints of ESB on Guy Fox Day and chaps start queueing up at daybreak. Mind yourself whilst you’re there however it can get a bit dodgy and one never knows when a row might break out.- But a bar it remains, and with his whiskey nose to the ground Mr. Ass found it. Now, it wouldn’t be a Monday at 8 o’clock if An Doof Ass wasn’t drunk, and yesterday was no exception. I was sitting in my study going over the latest issue of Informed Nobody Magazine when I got the call…

Upon picking up the phone, Mr. Ass -no doubt inspired by his acquisition of a modicum of scholarly import- took it upon himself to talk about “philosopheology.” Unfortunately, both his intoxicated state and his being constantly robbed by a large Mexican man who followed him from Chicago impeded his diatribe. Therefore I could only gather a couple of his inspiring words and phrases. They included the following…

“Heidegger’s Beginning of Time exemplifies the seminal rebuttal of the prima facie justification granted the Kantian Transcontinental Turn since the time of Einstein. “ He then paused for a moment –I assume to let the profundity of this statement sink in- and then exclaimed again “Einstein!” and fell over on what sounded like a cat or, knowing Mr. Ass, a prostitute holding a cat. He also said he now “Smokes me the Kool Extra Minty Slims” and went on in great length about the merits of “stayin’ jive” and, of course, “boobies.”

Oh how the mighty have fallen! There was a time Ol’ an Doof and I would spend an evening polishing a bottle of Evan Williams Tennessee Style Liquor Drink while discussing Mayan crop rotation techniques, 17th century Finnish ballads, and, well, boobies. But never once did we fall on a prostitute holding a cat.