Journal of a Working Boy: 8-26-05: Lesbian Vampires!

The Chicago Loop can be a monster, a hobo monster. Hobo’s everywhere: White gutter punk hobos, crazy/smelly/blind hobos, Woman with child hobos, your general hobos, executive hobos, tourist hobos. Hobo’s for everyone! The worst is when you’re just trying to drop some X with your hookup and all of the sudden you get hassled.

W.B.: This is X right? It seems to taste a bit like caramel corn.
Ice EZ: Cousin, it tastes like caramel corn ‘cause it is…I mean, oh yeah Weezy it got it all up in there. It’s like laced with X and all kinds a shit. Big time shit, man. Oh yeah.
W.B.: Awesome. Oh yeah, I can totally feel it working now. Oh yeah, I’m flying.
Ice EZ: I tolds you fool. Now that shit ain’t cheap. It’s the same X I hook John Cusack wit, it hot. It be 55 dollars.
W.B.: Judging by my buzz, I’d say it is well worth it. I sincerely enjoy our get togethers. Man, I’m such a badass.

*W.B. takes out his “roll” and begins counting off the Benjamins, and just after handing Ice EZ his money, out of nowhere, a Hobo is on him.*

Hobo: Help a brother out.
W.B.: Sorry, I don’t have any money. In addition, I’m really quite high so I’m not in my best frame-of-mind, I could go “whack” on you at any moment or possibily slip into some other drug-induced episode.
Hobo: What you mean, you ain’t got no money? You just paid 55 dollars for popcorn.
W.B.: Whoa, this stuff is strong, I’m starting to hallucinate.
Hobo: You ain’t nothing. All you got is a bag of popcorn.
W.B.: Man, I feel bad for you. I wish you could be where I am right now. I got all kinds of things happening. All the cars look like they’re um...floating and uh, there’s like this haze up high around the buildings…Oh yeah, I’m flying, definitely.
Hobo: Come on’ man all I need is a dollar for the bus.
W.B.: Oh, no. I know this scam. First you need dollar for the “bus,” then a dollar for “bus fare,” and then another dollar to “get on the bus.” Before I know it I’m out like 3 dollars. I ain’t no fool.
Hobo: OK then give me your money or else I’ll stab you with this piece of broken glass.

Hobo pulls out piece of broken glass.

W.B.: Oh no, I know this scam. First you’ll “threaten” to stab me, then you’ll “stab me” and then you’ll take all my money and “leave me for dead.” Forget it. Now go away, you're killing my mad buzz.

*Stab*

W.B.: Whoa, I’m like totally feeling this. It’s crazy…