into the sunRISE!

A single tear was shed last night; I had slammed my good thumb in the backdoor. In other news, Adam Wood darkened an aforementioned (see into the sunSET) door for the last time. On Friday, he departs for New York City to pursue a degree similar to those offered by the DeVry Institute and the American Beauty America Institute of Fashion: a technical degree for specialized employment. Unlike DeVry and A.B.A.I.F however his field is far more competitive, employment is near impossible, advancement unheard of, and the office follows you home every night telling you to publish some trite, isolated paper.

But that time is not yet and last night he was in top form. Nursing a mere 9 beers over 45 minutes, he proclaimed himself “Champion of the Worlds,” and within five minutes had become “intellectually remise” and “a terrible nobody characterized by failure.” Oh sure, he hits women, kicks puppies, and gentrifies neighborhoods, but he’ll be missed. Chicago’s bars will be a little quieter, jokes less frequent and funny, and street corners less bloody, passed out, and robbed.

Goodbye Adem, I mean Adam. Whatever.