Like the narrator of some Hawthornian sex-romp
Like the narrator of some Hawthornian sex-romp, I was rummaging through my attic last night when I came across a piece of fine vanilla-hued, cotton blended stationary with "From the Mahogany and Gold Inlaid Desk of Mr. G-" embossed in a deep crimson and black ink that one can only be derived from the shells of virgin betels crushed in an alabaster pestle. I recognized the note immediately. It was in my own jewel encrusted and Mount Blanc wielding hand. Innocent in a way, the scrawls of a young man, in their simplicity.
The note was addressed to myself on the occasion of my 25th birthday. At the time I was living under the financial umbrella of strong portfolio drawing heavily on what seemed a surefire investment strategy. But within a few years I would find myself banished from my Goldcoast penthouse and forced to pull myself up by my cordovan leather boot straps and make a new way in the world. I have since been in dire straights and no doubt disposed of this letter with the belief it would only bring about painful memories of my silver spoon past. Because I just finished my third bottle of rubbing alcohol at the time I did not realize any of this at the time.
Dear Future and No Doubt Wealthier A- G- the IV,
Below you will find the 4 keys to your great financial and social success. While you will be reading this years into the future, I am quite confident you enjoy the same, if not more, riches and sexy, hot pants wearing babes that I do at present here in 1984. You’re a real winner. And so, without further interuption, the keys to the success you enjoy today!
1.) The perm is and will remain timeless.
2.) Keep on investing more and more money into arcades. Diversify into pinball for
stability.
3.) Continue to intimidate those long-haired Japanese hippies. Neo Geo? wtf?!
4.) Invest even more into copper wire. Everything needs copper
wire.
Well so long. I have to go eat a bunch of red meat and drink lots of
scotch as I am on a diet.
Yours ever,
A-
That said, Friday, Skylark, 8-9-ish. all failures welcome.
posted by Working Boy @ 11:25 AM
8 Comments:
It appears your note from the past has somehow put the entire site in italics.
Happy birthday Andy. You're really old now. I hope you've acheived everything you'd hoped to in life, cause there's not much left of it.
can you imagine anything more annoying than hearing An Doof Ass using Borat-isms?
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