The Boys are Back in Town!
Oh sweet freedom. This morning at 3 in the am I took the wife to the L stop so she could get on a plane and go to sunny Los Angeles. Some guys would be nervous about sending their ladies off without some assurance of their return but I’m not. I trust her implicitly. I just wish her wedding band hadn’t started irritating her finger last night, and I don’t what she sees in that stupid book, Taking Dead-end Job Husbands of 3 months for All their Worth and Scoring Man-Babes on the Beaches of California with your Best Friend: A Guide, all its got is a bunch of pictures and mixed drink recipes. But I’m not worried. After all, nobody satisfies her like I used to.
Anyways, I got home and fell right back asleep for an hour and half. Then I got up drank a pot of coffee and smoked two cigarretts and at no point during this activity did I hear:
You’re having another cup?
You’re smoking at 6 in the morning?
You’re smoking another fucking cigarrett!?
I also didn’t have to listen to her complain while I was singing Lampchop’s “This is the Song that Never Ends” while flossing over the kitchen sink, or when I was cracking my knuckles while talking about my theory that cats and dogs are really the same creature just with different whiskers (I have not yet figured out how guinea pigs figure into this theory).
Of course there are drawbacks to her being away till Tuesday. For one, I had to make my own lunch for work. Luckily she had placed Post-It notes on all the food in the fridge. There was:
half a flat beer
moldy bread
Heather’s food
Food I (Heather) will eat when I get back and
cottage cheese
Not wanting to rock the boat of marital bliss, my lunch today includes: half a flat beer, cottage cheese, and something she forgot to label that looks like Chex mix but smells like dog food.
Another bummer is there is no one to tell me when its time to change the channel on the TV, when it’s time to do the dishes, when it’s time to clean the bedroom, when it’s time to make her tea, when it’s time to iron her clothes, or when it’s time to make her chocolate soufflé, or when it’s time to call her guy-friends to set up a girls night out.
So it’s not all fun and games when the wife’s away, just mostly fun and games. In fact, one could say: It’s almost exclusively fun and games.
p.s. I am lonely and scared.
posted by Working Boy @ 11:19 AM
4 Comments:
Andy I'm so glad you are getting some "me" time. Let those whiskers grow my friend.
Say, what are you up to tomorrow evening. I don't have much of a life here so perhaps I could jet out for a pint and a fight. Let me know.
any other weekend would be more than great, but I'm actually leaving for Mnpls at 6:30 this evening to visit high school buddies.
better luck next time :P
you make me sound ridiculous. I made you veggie chili before I left and told what fresh veggies you needed to eat, even though you claimed" you could take care of yourself" which either means getting drunk hyped on coffee all while starving yourself because its too much trouble to eat food for one... so even though you say such slanderous remarks about me. I do recognize the hilarity and found myself laughing out loud at this bizarro asian tea place about you flossing, singing, tapping, and cracking knuckles all at once just because you wont annoy me. Part of me would actually like to see this sometime.. oh and I'll tell you when enough is enough. see you soon
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