THe heat is ON!

Renaissance Urban Sportsman: Look at you! Look at you! You’re an Adonis of employment potential! Anyone would be happy to have you!
Working Boy (reaching for bottle of Pepto Bismol): You know it’s not even my fault.
R.U.S: What is?
W.B: The impossibility of employment. It’s not my fault.
R.U.S: Of course you’re right.
W.B: Seriously think about it. How do you get a job?
R.U.S: Charm. Charm, and being able to talk to the CEO about shared prep school memories. Of course that’s just what I’ve been made to understand by some poor disinherited acquaintances.
W.B: Why did I ever leave Exeter?! Sure they had started to let the Irish in, but it was still a pretty good school. My Latin tutor used to call me doe eyes and invite me over all the time!R
R.U.S: Yes, leaving Exeter was you’re one poor decision in all of your otherwise glorious life. It really is all about whom you know. Why just yesterday I was dining with Josephus and all we could talk about was all the people we knew. It was a smashing time.
W.B: Why didn’t you call me?! All I did yesterday was bake 4 pies to take my mind off of youtube.
R.U.S: Oh my.
W.B: That’s not the worst of it.
R.U.S: It can’t be any worse than that.
W.B.: Oh yes it can. I ate 3 of them by myself.
R.U.S: What happened to the fourth?
W.B: I don’t want to talk about it.
R.U.S: Come on, it’s just us here. What happened to that pie?
W.B: Well, you know how pies are so warm and moist and nonjudgmental.
R.U.S: Yes.
W.B: I wasn’t in my right mind, R.U.S? I don’t know what came over me.
R.U.S: Out with it man!
W.B: I used it for….badness.
R.U.S: Oh good heavens, you didn’t?!
W.B: I did.
R.U.S: Oh, Working Boy I think I’m going to be sick.
W.B: What else could I do?! What else could I do?!
R.U.S: Well, clearly not that.
W.B: But they’re so many of them! And if I could have trapped just one I would have someone to talk to you when you’re not around.
R.U.S: Wait, what? What are you talking about.
W.B: The cats, man! The 15 cats who live next door to me. I made a booby trap and used the pie for bate in hopes of catching one of the cats and forcing it to become my friend and confidant.
R.U.S: Oh yes of course….So, um, did you at least catch one.
W.B: Oh yeah. You know the orange one that has a boil on its nose?
R.U.S: Oh yes, old boil face.
W.B: Yeah, that's him. Well, he fell for the old pie under a box trap but when I pick him up to hug and kiss him and promise to love him forever he slashed my face, swiped the pie and jumped back over the fence.
R.U.S. The bastard.
W.B: Now I can’t even go outside because I know he told all the rest of them and they’re going to look at me all weird.
R.U.S: W.B. I wish there was some way to help you, but I’m not really good at that ‘doing unto others’ and other such droll business.
W.B: I don’t blame you R.U.S. It's cultural more than anything.
R.U.S: Why didn’t you just keep your other job? That way you could at least look people in the eye.
W.B: Yeah I miss that job like so much almost deadly poison.
R.U.S: Well what are you going to do now?
W.B: It’s hard to say really. I’ve thought about trying my hand at some kind of snitch business. You know, telling lies about people to get on t.v. and whatnot.
R.U.S: I like it.
W.B.: Thanks it took me 3 weeks to think of it. .... Say, what did you think I did with that 4th pie anyway?
R.U.S: Oh nothing at all. I think I've just been hanging out with Josephus too much. That guy's brain goes some weird places.