Journal of A Working Boy: *8-5-05* Boompa!

This week has been almost completely uneventful. The boss is gone, and I have not had a lick of work to do for the past two days. Yet I have to spend 8 hours a day here at the office. How does one fill such a time gap?....It's as easy as 1-2-3!

1.) get to work an hour before anyone else has arrived. Click your way through security, punch in, and then fall asleep under your desk. Set your cell phone to wake you at 8:45, that way when the first co-worker arrives at 8:50, you sound awake and busy. *For bonus points, print off a couple nonsense letters right as they are sitting down.*

Possible Scenario:
"Boy Working Boy, you sure are busy. It's not even 9 o'clock and your printing off serious important Mayor stuff."
"Well, you know me. I'm not called Working Boy for nothing."
"No indeed. You are surely the coolest person in all of the Mayor's Office, as a young nubile intern I wouldn't mind getting to know you in a more intimate setting. What are you doing during lunch?"
"Well, I was going to work through it, but...."

2.) Spend about 4 hours surfing the internet. This is a by far the most important activity of the day because you've got to find interesting stuff to keep the time moving. But you have to be careful. Internet surfing is a tricky species, it involves mostly mouse clicking and not typing.

Possible Scenario:
"Working Boy? Why are you clicking your mouse so much, aren't you writing important Mayor stuff?"
*working Boy thinks to himself* "Oh no! I am to be fired!"
*Working Boy says* "I'm simply organizing and updating my many many important Mayor letters into a new computer filing system. My high volume of valuable valuable letters requires constant maintenance."
Oh Working Boy! You are so sexy!

Then, to avoid further prying, click quietly and every five minutes or so just run your hands over the keypad so it sounds like things are being typed! To avoid actually typing unplug the keyboard from the CPU. You won't need it anyways.

3.) By now it is lunch time and you are free to leave the office. We are only supposed to take an hour for lunch, but we don't clock out so there are no worries. Just step out around 1 and come back around 3:30. Spend that time getting to know the city. Start off by walking down alleys looking for drug dealers (on "the streets" I am known as Weezy. This is an unfortunate result of a miscommunication between myself and "Ice EZ" my "hookup." I have found it to be the case that appropriate enunciation is lost on these street hooligans. I contend W.B., when spoken with the appropriate emphasis, simply doesn't sound like Weezy.)

Possible Scenario:
Weezy, yo' down?
What?
You straight? or whack?
I believe so.
A'ight.
*an exchange*

If one "scores" return to work immediately, that way you can use the buzz for the rest of the workday. If no drug dealers can be found just go eat and read in a sunny park. Or steal a couple bucks from a blind beggar and treat yourself to an ice cream. Or just don't do anything; spend the time recovering from the day had thus far.

When you get back, all you have to do is kill about 30 minutes before you can leave. Spend this time sounding really busy. Open and close your printer's manual feed. Take some papers and shuffle them. Or put all your pens in a row and then drop them on the floor and try to pick them up with your eyes closed. All these are perfectly acceptable time killers.

Well, it's lunchtime for this Working Boy, I'll see you back here in two hours....