to Abam!

I probably don’t have to tell you this but our e-mail inbox here at Noononsat... is absolutely saturated with angry, angry e-mails. Why? The reason is simple: What the fuck happened to An Doof Ass? goes the common complaint. And our response remains the same: How can we keep pulling out awesome sweet material about a complete waste of space like An Doof Ass for more than a year or so? I mean, that would require that An Doof Ass actually has events and friends in his life. Come on people! Right now he’s probably sitting in his sewage filled basement trying to see if the mushrooms growing under the stairs are edible. Geez Lucy! What a basket case of hopelessness! I mean, sure, if pressed I could name a few recent developments in the old sad sacks pathetic routine. Like last week when he called me at three in morning asking social affirmation:

Working Boy: Hello?
An Doof Ass: Do I got any friends, man?
W.B: It’s 3 in the morning; An Doof Ass have you been drinking?
A.D.A: Shut up telephone! I’ll kill you! Like I killed that hobo for his paper bags.
W.B: Yeah, well, you don’t have friends. Everyone hates you.
A.D.A: Well, yeah, whatever, I’ll kill ‘em anyways. Kill ‘em like this bottle of Isopropyl alcohol. If you know what I mean? Booya!

And then there was the recent revelation that he would be presenting a paper at prestigious conference in Belgium. Being a good friend, I called him to congratulate him on his success:

Working Boy: Hey, An Doof Ass congratulations on your success. Maybe a big international philosophy star like you should get a new more prestigious nickname.
A.D.A: I believe something like that would be in order. After all, it’s not everyday one becomes a huge success in the prestigious and probing world of LGBT philosophy.
W.B: LGBT? Is that some exclusive philosophical society?
A.D.A: You know it. It’s the standard shorthand way to refer to the exciting world Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender issues.
W.B: Um, I’m confused.
A.D.A: What? Do I have to spell it out for you? I’m presenting my paper, Man on Man Love in the Seducer’s Diary, at the prestigious Belgium Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Philo-Socio-Anthrotheological conference of the United Actualized Individiuals World Conference and Trade Show. I’m going to Belgium to hang out with Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgenders. It’s all very prestigious.
W.B: I imagine so.

But other than that there really isn’t anything at all going on his life. In fact, I’ve come to realize I don’t know a damn thing about that dirty horrible son of a bitch anymore. Therefore, I’m embarking on an exciting and possibly revelatory journey through our archives to rediscover An Doof Ass’s legacy and how much of lame ass he really is.

Stay tuned. ...