Elysian Fields!

There are times in life you face genuine bummers. Like getting busted in the middle of a glorious, immaculate lie. Or discovering the money clip you stole from some burger’s bag at a party had only 5 dollars in it. And who can forget the times you’ve had to throw out a perfectly good pair of strangling gloves just because of a sloppy hit. Well, last night I had a bummer on par with any of these.

For reasons unimportant and uninteresting I had to get rid of half a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of wine. I had options. I could drink them. Dredge them. Give them to hobos. Drink some and then throw the wounded soldiers at children, etc... I went with drink them.

Now, the fact that the booze had to be gone by midnight made the experience feel like that of an open bar. There were no internal battles over decency, grace or economic stewardship. No. It was simply drinking. And it was simply fantastic--even the subsequent heartburn.

I made it through the half bottle in little over an hour. I then passed out for a refreshing nap of 3 hours and woke up refreshed and ready to begin the week—a week marked by no indulgence whatsoever.

“No smoking or drinking for week?!, “ I thought to myself, “Whatever will happen to me? Perhaps I will become some kind of god.”

I scratched my throbbing head and wondered if this is what deification was supposed to feel like.