Poverty!

And so another weekend has sprung. Sweet. I mean, what’s not to love about the weekend? No work, sunshine, sleeping in. But unfortunately all these things are false idols—weekends blow. Think about it. Friday nights are used up “celebrating” the weekend by eating big steaks. Saturday you wake up groggy and try to remember what you were going to accomplish. Having forgotten, you watch TV until about 6 and then, in an effort to salvage the day, you go “out.” Out however usually means spending lots of money to try to fight off the reality that you will eventually have to return to your small, shitty apartment. Then Sunday. The day of absolute despair. Not because you have to go back to work, but because you threw away another weekend. Well, that’s not going to be this weekend! I’ve got plans, you bastards! I’ve got a system! A fucking to-do list in my pocket!
To do list:
FRIDAY
1.) laundry.
2.) Buy sharp casual pants.
3.) Talk a lot about my previous, exciting bachelorhood to while she’s making me dinner.
SATURDAY
1.) Go to the Velvet Lounge rummage sale and buy an erotic painting.
2.) Hang up the painting in the kitchen.
3.) Refuse to take it down.
4.) Take it down.
5.) Remark on sad state of modern WASP culture.
6.) Throw stuff.
7.) Go to the Late Night Late Show. Drink without regard to exorbitant cost.
8.) Come home around 2.
9.) Hang painting in bedroom.
SUNDAY
1.) Go to the Twins game on Sunday. Drink without regard to exorbitant cost.
2.) Call An Doof Ass and tell him he sucks.
3.) Go to the O.T.B
4.) Learn lingo
5.) Put a Jackson on the slinker in the 4th.
6.) Sell painting to hide losses from slavedriver/self-actualizer denier.
7.) But something cashmere.