Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday!

Over the years I’ve made a few mistakes. Of course I don’t like to dwell on the past; be it the odd money laundering ring of three years ago or yesterday’s unforeseeable–almost spontaneous!–combustion of the living room couch. I said it to the cops and I’ll say it to you: I was trying to throw the Molotov cocktail at some kids playing stickball in the street and thought the living room window was open. Geesh.

Any hoo, like that first sweet huff of spray paint in the morning, mistakes are life’s little splash of Tobassco that make the toast of the everyday routine exciting. I’ll never forget the time I was just minding my own business going through my neighbors trash looking for checks to washout when I was arrested on the completely baseless charge of sponsoring underground gerbil fights. I mean, come on! Who would pay the paltry sum of 5 greenbacks to see two ferocious gerbils battle to death in a glorious to scale mockup of a Roman Coliseum with the exhilarating sounds of Wagner filling the cedar scented air? Sure there’s probably no rush like one you get seeing two furry warriors waddle into the ring in authentic Roman garb. And yes, they would no doubt serve only the best Manhattans AND tacos at these so called “cruel and inhuman events.” But who would want to go to them? Say they were held, and possibly are still being held, at a certain abandoned warehouse on Cermak and Racine every Tuesday night and all one has to do is knock three times and say some kind of password like, oh I don’t know, “It rains in Shanghai while the children play mahjong” and they would be instantly transported into a world of nonstop thrills. Anyway, supposing all this true–I wouldn’t know anything about it. It was simply a mistake!

Mistakes–they come, they go, your wife never lets you hear the end of it about a couple of them–are the spice of life. And I’m not too big of an awesome, cool, well-defined, charming dude to admit when I’ve made something that maybe a couple of lesser intellects might call potentially maleficent.

With that in mind, maybe I was too harsh on our bearded brethren.