Old Pluteneyse!!

Hey bitches.

For some reason I’ve been busy lately. And, since I can’t exactly place my activities or where I had them, this leads me to believe they involved barbiturates. I trust I was awesome.

Of course there are some things I know for sure. For example, you may remember my ambitious plans to make a meagerly great profit off my Silver Jews tickets. This has turned out to be a bitch goddess. Just FYI: the skin flint ol’bastard's warmhearted fanbase does nothing to live up to the band’s name.

In other news, a visitor from the East may appear on Friday. Thankfully, it’s not that one. Who by the way is trying to cultivate a palate for, of all things, scotch. What the hell?! You put some honky known for wearing around shower sandals on the East Coast and, in no time, he starts telling you about a “surprisingly smokey finish, mellower than the 12 yr, with a hint of sage and strong undertones of stone ground pumpernickel.” Do I even have to say it? ---Douche Chill---! That son-of-a-bitch should begin with a consistent flossing schedule before he starts spouting off about “spicy caramel!”