Aquinas slash!!!

Part One: I defend myself against malignant slander -
Well that’s the last straw Andy, you unspeakably
offensive trollop, what an egregious breach of all
taste and decency! Now you’ll all have to suffer
through my hideously unfunny righteousness
sermonessayizing. You can fill me up with booze, punch
my ass out on the concrete, slop Irish Booze Flower
all over my Gore-tex and leave me for dead. You can
big-nosed Jew or Subaru me, but you can’t accuse me of
losing my edge. Not when I walk around at parties
proclaiming myself the Florence Nightengale of wounded
soldiers and clutching everyone’s half empty beers to
my chest, nor when I arbitrarily decide that any
English major I come across works for the New York
Times and loudly demand that they publish my good
friend’s very funny material. It’s true I haven’t had
a bible cigarrett in a while, but who has really?
Times change, we grow up, we smoke White Owl blunts in
the rain instead.
Part Two: In which a hideous assault on reason, truth
and beauty is defeated -
Now the Aquinas slash technique is to be employed in
such cases as when your holy contemplation of theology
and geometry is assaulted by the noxious smirking and
simpering of your ex’s Frenchy tutu bitch continental
toadies, spewing elliptical references to “the
ontically equiprimordial worldedness of Being,”
randomly inserting capital letters into their mindless
jargon, or jabbering in barbaric tongues about
“erfangnis” or “verlassenheit” or “mauvais foi.” Parry
this repulsive posturing with a rapid collection and
division, a crafty succession of syllogisms, then a
strike from above, with a righteous cry in the sacred
language of all learned men. Something like “SED
CONTRA IGITUR!” or “QUAM DIXIT PHILOSOPHUS!” will
reduce these ignorant surrender monkeys to a babbling
piss puddle of confusion.
Part Three: In which some back slapping final remarks
are adduced -
You deserve a bible fag, a handle of Jim, and a
shocking amount Tums after such vigorous exercise.
Help yourself to a rack of Pabst while you’re at it.
You know, if you crush up wild berry Tums and snort
them through a twenty, some surprising results ensue.
Exercise regularly, and eat a balanced diet of pizza,
lentils and spinach on top of this, and you’re well on
the road to beatitude. Write something insulting to
Father Jape, or snicker at his insulting someone else
- as you please. The Aquinas Slash triumphs again! Now
back to anime.