Hi-Oh!

I suppose you’re like totally dying to hear about my weekend abroad. Well there’s really not a lot to tell. Unlike my last visit to New York it only rained 85 percent of the time instead of constantly. In addition, I was not keeping company exclusively with drunks and doppelgangers. These two facts made the trip substantially different as I spent less time on a porch drinking 40’s and whiskey in the rain, and more time seeing various neighborhoods and sights. I have not yet decided which time I considered more enjoyable.

Yet, even without the ragtime group of swingers of yore, this trip did offer some forms of excitement. For example, I once bought a milkshake that cost more than beer. At another, I had to fend off whorish undergraduates with little more than a half lit cigar and an endless double-entendre repartee. I was even kicked out of a bar for being too real for those uptight Manhattan jackasses. As to this last moment, I feel it is important to mention I was totally justified in my shenanigans and would even go as far as to say the barman wouldn’t know an awesome and refined joke if it came up to the bar and told him go to hell before leaving with like 10 hot babes. Oh the things New York can do to awesome gentleman.

All in all though, I can say with complete confidence, genius, brilliance and authority that New York is the greatest pile of garabage imaginable. And I hate it. I Hate it more than England. And Italy. And Germany. And all of Eastern Europe. Of course, France is still the most kickass, although Paris has lost her luster. I will close with a direct comment for An Doof Ass: You still owe me 10 dollars and at least one trip that doesn’t blow, hard.