Wicker Park Monsters!~

It has come to my attention that An Doof Ass has gone dancing. For those of you who know An Doof Ass personally this is both hilarious and repulsive revelation. It is hilarious because An Doof Ass can’t dance. It is repulsive because this does not stop An Doof Ass from dancing.

I’ve had the distinct pleasure to see An Doof Ass dance on two occasions. The first was at an establishment named Freuds in Oxford, England. Unfortunately for An Doof Ass, Freud’s wasn’t actually a place one dances. It was actually an after hours place where we went to get more drunk and score tail. On this particular night, An Doof Ass had decided to “pregame it” before the pubs and Freud’s. So by the time we got to Freud’s he was so belligerently drunk that he took the beers a friend and I were drinking “because owed me for them I bought them for me I bought them” and, holding one in each hairy palm with a cigarrett dangling from his mouth, began trolling. He trolled his way right to a table of two fine ladies and one good-looking guy. We stood in disbelief as he spilled beer on the girls while asking them to relight his cigarrett and could have sworn we hear him say “I’m a doctor of medicines who dabbles in assainery.” We thought the worst was over when all of the sudden his favorite song began playing: YMCA.

Like some kind of hairy, ugly marinet, he began bending at the knees, swinging his monkey arms and moving his head side to side. He spilled what remained of our beers during his first “M,” by the second chorus he had undone his shirt, and soon was being forcibly removed all the while screaming: I have my rights as a gentlemens.
The second time I saw An Doof Ass Dance was at a club in Chicago. On this particular night I had overstepped the limits of sobriety with An Doof Ass and we were having a jolly old time scoring lots of ladies on the dancefloor, etc. Everything was going well until he burned his hand on the cigarrett I was holding. Then he punched me right there on the dance floor. Then we took it outside where together we yelled at some passersby before fighting each other. I imagine his dancing was equally terrible on this night.